Questions for Couples: Divorce Part II

Some more questions to think about when there has been a divorce.

Do you have any kids from a previous relationship? Do you have kids from multiple relationships? How many kids have you had? If you have kids who has custody of them? What are your custody arrangements? How often are there visitations? How do you arrange visitations? Do you have to meet in a neutral location?

Do you have any monetary obligations to former spouses or children? If so, How much do you pay and how often do you pay it? 

Was infidelity a factor in your divorce? Did your partner do things that you felt were unfaithful? Did you do things that your partner considered unfaithful?  What types of infidelity occurred? How often did it occur?

If you did things that your partner considered unfaithful did you talk to your partner about them? If so how did those conversations go? Who would start the conversations? And what have you done to help you be a better companion in the future? What have you learned from your relationship about being faithful?

What is your current relationship with your previous spouse? How do you treat each other? Do either of you still hold thoughts of getting back together? Since your break up have you had any physical relations of any type with your prior spouse? How do you feel about hugs or kisses from (or to) your ex? Could you see your physical relationship with your ex changing in the future? What would you say your ideal relationship with your ex would be for you moving forward?

Have you ever had a restraining order requested against you? Have you ever requested a restraining order for your former spouse? (or for anybody else)?

How is your relationship with your former in-laws? How was your relationship with them when you were married?   If you have kids with your former spouse, they probably have a parent (or parents) and other relatives on the other side of their family, how do you help your kids to have healthy relationships with both sides of their relatives? Do your kids spend time with their grandparents? Do you still see your in-laws? Do you ever attend family functions with that side of the family? Are you expected to attend certain functions?

What are the most important lessons that you have learned from your previous relationships?
What kinds of things are you willing to work on to help you to have a better relationship in the future? 

Questions for couples: Charity

Do you prefer to donate directly to people or to trusted organizations? Would you rather give to people you know, or to people that you don't know? When helping out friends or family, what do you think is the best approach?  Do you give money to family members? would you prefer to lend money to someone in need or to give it to them? How much would you give/lend to a friend or family member?

Do you ever give money to strangers? How do you feel about panhandlers? Do you ever offer someone a job if their sign says will work for food? Would you ever offer them food? Do you prefer to get to know someone you are helping or to just give them what they need? Do you prefer to give people what they ask for or what you think they need?  Are there certain types of people you are more likely to help? Are there types of people you are less likely to help?  Do you feel badly if you try to help someone, but then see them making choices that you don't agree with?

Do you prefer to give people something that they ask for or would you offer something you thought they could use? Would you give them something they hadn't asked for, without waiting for them to agree? Are you more likely to try to help your friends and family members with money or something else? Would you give gift cards to Friends? Family members? Strangers? Would you give time? Would you give someone a job? Would you do work for someone in need at a reduced price? For free? Would you give someone in need gifts? Would you be more likely to give someone something new, or something that you already had, or were replacing? Appliances? How do you feel about gifting trees or secret santas?

If you had a million dollars that you had to spend on other people how would you spend it?
If you could set up a charitable foundation to do anything what would your mission be?
If you were leaving your fortune to a charity or a group of charities, which ones would you pick and why?

Questions for Couples: Divorce

Have you ever been through an annulment or divorce? Have you been married before? How many times? Are you currently married? If you have been married, how long has it been since your divorce or annulment was legally finalized?

What attracted you to your spouse? What did your spouse like most about you? How did you meet your former spouse? How long did you date them? how long were you engaged?  How long were you married?

Were there any warning signs that things might not work out before you got married? How did your spouse outweigh or overcome those warning signs? Did any of your friends or family express concerns before you got married? Was there anything that anybody could have said that would have changed your mind?

Did you ask for the divorce or did they? Was there a separation before the divorce? Who did you counsel with or consult with before you got divorced? Did you got through couples counseling? Did you seek individual counselling?

Do you ever regret getting divorced? Do you regret getting married? What positive things have you learn from your former relationships? What are the most useful things you have learned? What would you do differently with your next relationship?

Questions for Couples: Amusement Parks III

Would kids make your amusement park experience better or worse? Do you like rides built specifically for kids? What would you do if a kid in your group wasn't tall enough to ride some of the rides? Do you like "terror rides?" Do you think they were scarier when you were a kid?

Have you ever finished a ride and then reentered the line for that same ride? Do you like to ride the same ride over and over again? is it better to go through the whole park and then come back to some of your favorite rides or to re-ride some of the good rides while you are there?

What are some of your favorite rides at amusement parks? What are some of your least favorite? Are there rides that are better than you expected them to be? Are there rides that you didn't like as much as you thought you would? Do you think some rides get hyped too much? Have you created a ride-value to line length matrix to determine which rides give the best bang for the buck?

How long of a line are you willing to wait in? What do you think about express lines? Do you know how to get express passes? Do you think people with small children should get better lines? what about large groups? What about veterans? Handicapped people? Have you ever tried to "Beat the system?" Have you ever waited in the wrong line? Would you leave the line if you got to the front, but found out that it was for the wrong ride? Does the length of the line help you determine which rides to ride? or when you ride them? Would you ride a water ride early in the morning or late at night if it had a short line? even if that meant you might be cold for a while afterward?

Questions for Couples: Thanksgiving

How do you feel about the Thanksgiving holiday? Do you celebrate canadian Thanksgiving? Do you prefer to have a home cooked meal for thanksgiving, or would you rather go to a restaurant? Would you order a traditional Turkey dinner at the restaurant or something else? Would you rather eat Turkey, Ham, or Prime rib for dinner? Turducken?

What time do you eat your big Thanksgiving meal? Do you eat breakfast that morning? How far in advance do you start preparing? Is the proper term stuffing or dressing? And do you actually stuff the bird with it? Cornbread, Classic, or Sausage Stuffing? Have you ever done a rice based stuffing? Do you like your turkey fried, smoked, baked, or a combination of the 3? White or dark meat? Do you even like turkey? Would you ever serve an alternate form of food say pizza? What are you feelings on Cranberries? Canned? If canned whole berry or jelly? Fresh?

Is the cooking a joint job? Watching football while someone else cooks? Watching football while everyone cooks? Playing football after eating? Or Frisbee? Are store bought rolls okay or do they have to be homemade? What about rhodes rolls? What is the one must have Thanksgiving dinner item? What is one you could do without? If you eat early do you eat leftovers later in the day? How do you feel about Turkey, cranberry, cream cheese sandwiches?

Would you ever order a dinner cooked by someone else? Like a catering company? or a grocery store? Would you pretend that you had done the cooking yourself?

Do you set up/go get your Christmas tree after you eat or wait until later?

Questions for Couples (Advanced): Anger II

These questions are advanced. They are questions that could be very valuable as a relationship progresses, but may be good to save until there is a relationship.

When you were growing up did it seem like a lot of people were angry? were you angry as a child? Who was the person in your life most likely to get angry while you were growing up? What happened when your mom got angry when you were younger? How angry did she get? What kind of things made her angry? How often was she angry? What happened when your dad got angry growing up? How angry did he get? How often was he angry? What kind of things made him angry? Did any of your siblings get very angry? Do you ever notice yourself getting angry about the same kinds of things that your family got angry about? Do you react in similar ways when you are angry as others in your family act?  How do people in your family deal with their anger? How do you react when other people get angry? Has seeing anger in others or yourself ever caused you to change how you think about things, or how you deal with unpleasant situations? What kind of changes have you made with regards to anger in your life?

What do you do when you get angry? Have you ever broken anything when you were angry? Do you throw things when you're angry? Do you yell? Do you swear? If you swear do you direct your swearing specifically at the person you are angry at? Do you ever use weapons when you are angry?
What do you do to cope with your anger? how long does it usually take you to calm down?

Have you ever been to see a professional because of your anger? Was it court ordered? Have you ever been angry enough that your actions caused someone else to seek medical help? Have you ever had a restraining order? Have you ever been to an anger management support group? Voluntarily? Do you find it useful? What is the one thing that helps you avoid anger the most?

Questions for Couples: Sports

What do you think about your kids playing sports? How many would you let them play?
Is it better to be great at one sport, or good at a lot of them? What would be good reasons for your kids to play sports? What might be good reasons why you wouldn't want your kids to play sports?

Who would make the decision to play a sport? you or them?  What if your kid wanted to stop a sport after a year would you let them? What if they wanted to stop after just a few weeks? a few days?

What lessons would you want your kids to learn from sporting activities? Would money be a significant factor in how many sports your kids could participate in? How would you work your kids sports in to your schedule? would you take them to practices? would you watch their practices? Would you go to their games/ events? how far would you be willing to travel to watch you kids in a sport? How often would you make that journey?

Would you want to coach your kids in sports? Would you coach your kids even if your weren't officially the coach? Do you think everyone should get a trophy? Would your tell your kid they were a great athlete even if they weren't? Would you tell them they were great even if you knew they could do better? Are you more likely to praise your child for athletic activity, or give them substantial "constructive criticism?" At a sporting event are you more likely to yell at the coach, the ref, the opposing players, players on your team, or your own kid?

Is badminton a sport?

Questions for Couples: Perks of Work

If you had to go on a trip for work would you take your spouse? What if you took a lot of trips for work would you want to take your spouse? Would you feel it was fair to take work trips without your spouse? What if your trips had a recreational element to them? What if you got a nice trip as a bonus or reward and you could take a second person if you paid for them but you didn't have a lot of money? Would you be jealous if your spouse was taking trips without you? what if your spouse got to eat at fancy restaurants on their trips?

Do you ever have to do something really hard for work... like go golfing? If your work requires or allows you to do something that you enjoy is it really work? If you were the sole breadwinner in the family would you want your spouse to be able to participate in an equal amount of enjoyable activities? Even if your activities were for work?

Do you ever go out to eat when you are working? Do you work at Google and have gourmet restaurants on your campus? If you get to eat out for work is it fair for your spouse to eat at home all the time? What if it's not convenient for you to eat at home? Are you willing to brown bag it sometimes?

If you get a bonus at work is that bonus money for the whole family, or is that money to be used at your discretion? What about a year end or christmas bonus would that be the same? What if your company had a big Christmas party every year, and at that party they had a really nice selection of Presents (or year end prizes or awards) like big-screen tvs, and iPads and blenders (not one of those cheapo blenders but a lean mean Ice-crushing machine) who would have the most say in which year end bonus... or present you got?

How would you feel if your work required you to buy certain outfits or uniforms? what if they provided them for you? Would you feel like your spouse was entitled to a new outfit for each outfit you got? how would you new clothes needed for work with other new clothes? Do you think new clothes are fun? even if they are for work? What if your work required really fancy clothes like tuxedos and ball gowns, would that be fun for you or would you find that annoying? If you had to wear a tuxedo for work would you perhaps fancy yourself as 007? and if people listened closely do you think they would hear you humming the James bond theme song?

Questions for Couples: Jealousy

Do you consider yourself to be a jealous person?
Do others consider you to be very jealous?
Do you think others should be jealous of you?
Do you like it when other people are jealous of you?
What is your most enviable attribute?

What kind of things make you jealous? Money? Things? Big Houses? "Perfect Families"? Vacations? Physically fit people/ a nice body? People with a lot of free time? Is the grass really always greener on the other side? Are you jealous of people who have a well developed talent?

Do you get jealous when your significant other makes more money than you? Does it  make you jealous when somebody has more friends than you? Would you be jealous if your spouse wanted to spend time with some of their other friends? Would you be jealous if your spouse was talking with someone of the opposite gender? What if your spouse was kind of flirtatious? What if the flirting was just so they could get better service, free stuff, or good deals?

Would it bother you if your spouse kept in contact with old girlfriends/boyfriends? What if an old love interest wanted to meet for drinks? dinner? a movie? Would if bother you if one of your spouses former girlfriends/boyfriends lived in your neighborhood? What if they gave your spouse gifts?

Would you be jealous if your spouse wanted to spend time with their family? Do you think your spouse should love you more than their family? Do you measure the size of your brownies to make sure your spouse doesn't get a bigger piece than you?

Questions for Couples: Sleep II

Do you like to sleep on the right side of the bed or the left? center? diagonally? upside down?
Have you ever turned upside down while you sleep?

Do you like a hard bed / firm bed or a soft one? How do you feel about waterbeds?
What about other specialty beds? Air mattresses?
Do you sleep with a pillow? Multiple pillows? A body pillow? A body double?
How do you feel about sleeping with pets? How do you feel about sleeping with kids?

Do you like to sleep with a lot of blankets? A special blanket? Do you like to sleep with the covers on or off? Do you prefer to have your covers tucked in? Do you kick off your covers in the night?


Do you talk in your sleep? Walk in your sleep? Impersonate Elvis?
Do you sleep in your socks? Big fuzzy socks?
Would it bother you if your spouse put their cold feet on you while sleeping?
What about their big fuzzy socks?

Do you hit or kick in your sleep? Would you forgive your spouse if  they hit you while sleeping? Would you feel they were justified if they were having a bad dream? How would you resolve the situation if your spouse was accidentally hitting you in the night?

Questions for Couples: Camping

How much do you like camping?
How often do you go camping? how often would you go if you could?
What do you consider camping? is it anything away from home? Is a motorhome camping? Can you have electricity and still be camping? what about a cabin? tent? Do you believe that all real camping is out under the stars? even if it's raining?

How do you feel about camping in the snow? Rain? Heat? Wind?
Can you start a fire? with a single match? without any matches? can you teach me how?

Are you usually the first person to get up in the morning when you go camping? are you the last one to get up?
Do you like to get up and get the fire going? what about food? do you like to wait until breakfast is ready to get up?

How do you feel about living off the land while you camp? Wild mushrooms? Fishing?
Do you like fishing? are you any good? Does that question inspire you to tell a "fish story?" Do you prefer fly fishing? catch and release? trolling? casting?

Do you own a boat? Kayaks? do you like boating? Kayaking? canoeing?

How often when you go camping do you take boats? Bikes? other recreational activities? Gameboys? Ipods? Cell phones?

When was the last time you went camping?
Do you like to camp with reservations? on reservations? along the side of the road? in the middle of nowhere?
in caves? with bears?

Questions for Couples (Advanced): Anger

These are advanced questions. That means they may not be the kind of thing that would be fun to talk about on a first date, but they are questions/ or a topics are important to discuss as a relationship progresses.

Do you play Angry Birds? And why are those birds so angry?
What kind of things make you angry?
Traffic? Work? Family? Friends? The World? Other?
Are there things that make you really angry?
 
How often do you get angry?
When was the last time you got really angry? What was the circumstance?

How do you act when you feel angry?
Do you keep it to your self? Do you talk about it? Do you yell? Do you say mean things? Does it make you want to hit something? Do you ever feel the need to take out your anger on another person?
When you get angry do hit people? Slap? Kick? Push?
Do you ever feel the need to restrain or control someone? Are there other things of a physical nature that you do when you are angry? How often do you get physical because of your anger?

How frequently do you feel like you have anger that is uncontrollable (ie you just can't help yelling at someone)?

Since turning 18 (and becoming an adult), has your anger changed? Has the way you deal with your anger changed? In general, how do you deal with your anger? What do you do to try to get over your feelings of anger? What do you do to deescalate your anger? Do you think it is better to sleep on a problem, or to make sure that you never go to bed angry?
If you could pick one role model from Sesame Street would you pick Oscar?

Questions for Couples: Memories

I attended an activity the other day with a man named Robert Heaton. He gave us a list of questions and told us to answer the ones that we felt were most pertinent to us.
His work sheet is copyrighted, but I have his permission to reprint portions of his worksheets here. Some modifications have been made.

What is something special about yourself that most people don't know?
Where is a special place you have been to or visited?
Tell a little about a person in your life that is a special "kindred spirit."
Tell about a time that you "Shouted for Joy" because of a special feeling or happening.

When was a time that you felt closest to your father?
When was a time that you felt closest to your mother?
When was a time that you felt closest to your brother or sister?
When was a time that you felt closest to a church leader?
When was a time that you felt closest to God?
When was a time that you felt closest to a friend?

Talk about a time that you did a good deed for someone without being found out.
Talk about a time that you felt deep contentment and peace.
Tell of a meaningful spiritual experience that you have had.
Talk about an animal that you were especially close to.
Do you have a special place where you go to be by yourself?

Is there a pleasant sound that you heard recently? sometime in the past? Today?
Is there a pleasant sight that you saw sometime in the past? recently? Today?
talk about a pleasant smell that you've experienced sometime in the past? recently? Today?
talk about a pleasant touch that you've experienced sometime in the past? recently? Today?
talk about a pleasant taste that you've experienced sometime in the past? recently? Today?

Memorial Day Special: Questions for Couples

When you think of Memorial Day what do you think?
Do you celebrate Memorial Day?
Do you visit a cemetery?
Do you visit multiple cemeteries?
Do you have to visit every cemetery where you have relatives?
Do you think of Memorial Day as a day to celebrate anyone who is no longer living? Anyone who has served in the military? Specifically those died in the civil war?
How do you feel about veterans?
How do you feel about the military?

Do you take flowers to graves? If yes what kind of flowers? Does the type of flower matter to you? Does the color of flower matter to you? Would you take fake flowers to a grave? Would you take flowers from another's grave?
Do you like to go early to clean headstones?
Have you ever lost someone close to you?
How many grandparents do you have living?
Do you know where all of your relatives are buried?
Is Memorial Day more about those who have past on or those that you are with?
Does Memorial Day make you sad?
Would you fly a flag for memorial day?
When you visit a cemetery do you prefer to know where you are going, or to wander until you find your relatives?
How do you feel about walking through cemeteries?
Are there places that you won't walk?
Would you sit on a headstone?
Do you have feelings about hats in a cemetery?
Do you know what a dirge is? do you have any feelings about them?

Do you have any other memorial day traditions?
Barbeques? Picnics? Softball games? Camping?
Does Memorial Day = Watermelon? Can you pick a good watermelon?

Questions for Couples

1. What are your expectations for employment? Are both of you expected to be employed or will one person stay at home and raise children full time?
2. What are your preferences and restrictions as far as where to live? Is there a place you have to live? Or are you flexible?
3. With how much frequency are you in contact with your mom or dad?
4. What are your expectations as far as wedding receptions go? (i.e. what is your mom going to make me do?)
5. What are your feelings about birth control?
6. Do you want to rent or get a house immediately?
7. Are you in debt?
8. Do you have any food restrictions? Or even extreme pickiness with regard to some foods?
9. Do you believe in going to doctors and getting medicine?
10. Do you have health problems or any that run in the family?
11. Are you on medication? Like, do you use anti-depressants?
12. Do you have any sexually-transmitted diseases?
13. Do you have any children?
14. Are you addicted to pornography?
15. Do you have a history of pornography viewership?
16. Do you gamble?
17. Do you like to be pampered or waited on when you're sick or do you want to be left alone?
18. Which philosophy do you subscribe to: sleep on it or don't go to bed angry?
19. How short is your fuse? How much of a temper do you have?
20. Do you have a history of violence?
21. Would you ever hit someone because you were angry?
22. Do you like children?
23. Do you want children?
24. Is there a certain number of children that you want to have?
25. How frugal are you?
26. Do you spend your paycheck when you get it or do you have a budget and savings plan?
27. Do you know how much money is in your checking account right now?
28. How often do you exercise?
29. Do you plan on staying fit after you get married?
30. What time do you go to bed?
31. What time do you get up?
32. Do you have any special restrictions or desires for birthing? i.e. do you only believe in home births? Are you against the use of drugs during birth?
33. What is your stance on immunizations?
34. Do you have any opinions regarding public school vs home schooling vs private schooling?
35. What family traditions do you have that you would want to carry into the relationship?
36. Which holidays do we need to spend at your family's house?
37. What do you like to do on Sundays?
38. Are you obsessed with anything (such as sports, movies, movie stars, knitting, cats, cars, guns, exercise, sleep, chocolate, drugs)
39. Will you play volleyball with my friends and I on Thursday nights?
40. Is there a sport that you like that you want me to watch you play or play with you?
41. What are your hobbies/recreation preferences and limits?
42. Do you have a valid passport?
43. Are you a legal U.S. citizen?
44. Are you afraid of spiders or insects, and will you kill them? (oh, and snakes)
45. What are your feelings about hunting/fishing and your/my participation in them?
46. If there were a draft, would you dodge it?
47. Do you have any extreme fears?
48. What are your homemaking skills?
49. Are you able to feed yourself without the use of fast food or restaurants?
50. Can you do your own laundry?
51. What is your philosophy regarding the toilet seat and its up/down status?
52. Do you have any strong feelings about where to squeeze the toothpaste tube?
53. Do you have a certain way that the toilet paper roll needs to lie?
54. Do you want to have kids right away?
55. Could you imagine populating the earth with me?
56. How much alone time do you expect or need?
57. What are your expectations as far as dating after a marriage?
58. If we are unable to have children, what are your feelings about adoption, in vitro fertilization, etc.?
59. Are you attracted to members of the same sex?
60. Have you had any experiences or transactions that would have future repercussions? i.e. baggage?
61. Do you swear a lot?
62. How much time do you spend online?
63. How much time do you spend watching television?
64. Will you buy me flowers after we're married?
65. How much do you expect to hang out with your friends after we're married?
66. How much do you expect me to hang out with my friends after we're married?
67. Will you hang out with my friends now and after we're married?
68. Are there any friends of the opposite sex with whom you will want to stay in somewhat frequent contact?
69. What is your philosophy as far as maintaining friendships with people of the opposite sex?
70. Are there any members of the opposite sex that you will want to avoid or that I can help you avoid?
71. Do you have a history of substance abuse of any kind?
72. Do you have expectations as far as children's participation in sports or music/art?
73. Do you have a history of abuse (being the abuser or the person who has been abused)?
74. How clean do you expect your living environment to be?
75. How often do you shower?
76. Are there any issues in your immediate or extended family that I should be aware of?
77. Have you ever had depression?
78. Is there a history of mental illness in your family?
79. What is your political affiliation, if any?
80. What are your expectations as far as sex goes? i.e. frequency?
81. Do you have issues with people touching you?
82. Do you have emotional boundary issues?
83. What are your expectations as far as raising children goes? How often will you be willing to watch them or change their diapers, for example?

These questions were submitted by friends.